Edward Elric vs Edward Cullen

Once upon a time, in a land ruled by over-hormonal fangirls and sexual fantasies there lived a handsome young man named Edward Elric. Now Ed was of simple birth, with long flowing golden hair and beautiful golden eyes. Although he had a slight inferiority concerning his height. He was slightly short for the average fifteen year old and when called short would often mistake people for calling him a ' runt so tiny he could only be seen with a magnifying glass.' One day Edward was calmly walking through Fandom Land when a strange looking young man caught his eye. Said young man was leaning againist a tree, looking rather moody with his shirt un-done revealing his pale, well-sculpted body. Now Ed was rather taken back by the new comer, he looked human rather than like an anime character.

"Hay little man," came the young man's voice. Ed froze...Little man?

"You talking to me, emo boy?" grunted Ed.

"And if I am?" smirked the new comer.

"You got a lot of nerve asshole, who are you anyways?" asked Ed.

"I'm Edward Cullen, Sex God of Twilight, Pimp of Bella Swan and Fangirl Orgasm Stimulator since October 5th 2005!" smiled the Ed Wannabe.

"I've heard about you, your that creepy supposed-to-be-a-vampire dude from that crappy series that only got popular within the last few months. LAME," sighed Ed.

"Excuse me but we all know who's the better Ed here," smiled Edward Cullen as he began to strike a ridiculously emo pose. (Note : At this very time every Twilight Fangirls Edward senses were tingling and they were all taken to hospital for severe blood loss after having huge nosebleeds due to their sick little fantasising about Edward C and his emo tendencies.)

"Don't blow your own horn buddy, I've been around since January 2001. That's long before you were even being written down. Besides I'm the FullMetal Alchemist and I can turn my right arm into anything since y'know I have awesome automail," smirked Edward.

"I have sparkles," exclaimed the nOob known as Edward Cullen. (Note: At the very mention of sparkling all the Fangirls in all the hospitals around the world died of having simultaneous fangasms)

"Yeah well I don't need sparkles I'm sexy and cute rolled into one compact little package," grinned Ed. (Note: At that moment all the Edward Elric fangirls began riots across many countries demanding all Twilight books be burnt)

"I have Bella Swan and she's practically my whore, she's utterly devoted to me," smiled Cullen.

"Huh, Who? I'm sorry I thought that girlfriend of yours was called Mary Sue. Don't worry I know she's a whore, from the rumours that are going round about her I can tell she'd do anything that tried to bite her. Fetish or what?" smirked Ed.

*Dramatic 'OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH BURN' noise coming from nowhere*

"Atleast I have a girl," whinced Edward Cullen.

"I have a girl her name is Winry. She's super cute, super smart and unlike your girl super helpful."

"Yeah well I'm super hot, super cool and super mysterious."

"I'm all that AND super clever. Plus what's mysterious about a stalker vampire who doesn't even burn in the sun or have fangs?"

Cullen - 0                  Elric -  5000

(Note: It was at this point that all the Edward Cullen fangirls offically died because their little pretty boy was pwned by the almighty Edward Elric. Note that this was also the time that the Edward Elric fangirls began having a new festival celebrating Ed's awesomeness)  

Once again Ed returned to his happy little life of being the sexiest + cutest little alchemist to ever live. The End.